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"The right thing isn't always real obvious. Sometimes the right thing for one person is the wrong thing for someone else. So... good luck figuring that out." -Charlie Swan
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Saturday, February 21, 2009

I've realized....

The more and more I think about it, the more I realize how lost I'd be without my family. Of course we don't always agree, and this past year we've definitely had some struggles that, even to this day we're still having to work on; but I've come to realize how absolutely lost I'd be without all of them in my life.

These past few months have been especially difficult. 3 of my family members have seemingly lost their way...and it's slow going for them coming back to where they need to be. Everyone keeps praying and praying and at times it seems better, just to come back and show us that it's actually getting worse. None of us are giving up. We still have faith that God can bring each of them back. Will their family bond ever be the same? Probably not. But each of them, as individuals, can still get back to that place where they're good in God's eyes...and good in our eyes as well. Cause they obviously don't realize how much pain the rest of us are going through, right along with them.

I look at my mother in times like these. I've often felt like, all my life, I had to carry so much burden for the things that went on in our home. That's because, alot of the time I was the one who got blamed. I only got blamed because of my strength; because the Devil knew that if it was turned on me that I would gladly accept the hurt. I'd rather hurt than have to see my sister or my mother hurting. I remember my mom being so brave. Almost of the time, that strength was hidden, but I definitely believe I inherited my strength from her; I learned it from her. Mine was just more obvious. I look at her now, after so many struggles that she's overcome, and she's better for it! She's better after he told her she wouldn't be; after he told her that she'd never make it. She made it. I hate to think about the day that she goes up to Heaven to be with Jesus. I just can't make myself; it hurts too much already and she's still here and healthy! I'm not sure what I'll do with myself when that day comes. I refuse to think about it now, but you never know how long you truly have.

And I love my sister. We hardly EVER agree on anything, but I couldn't imagine my life without her. She's always been such a big part of me, and I know that a part of me would die if ever she were gone. I also have to say (and no, I'm not biased; this is a true fact, ask anyone) that I have the most remarkable grandparents (on my mother's side, of course) that any human being could ask for! I pray each and everyday that the Lord keeps them around for many more years to come. I want my second child to know the immense love that they're capable of giving out. They give with no strings attached and they live to help others. I've never known 2 people so set in the path God has given them, and following it step by step. I wouldn't be the woman I am today without them, and I know that.

Now that I've shared my epiphany about my family, let me just say this. Yes, we all have problems. Yes, our families are sometimes annoying and most times all up in your business. But yes, how we love them. Family; those are the people who have been there when you were smart, and they've been there when you were stupid. They've seen you pretty and they've seen you really ugly. They've lost and they've loved with you. So appreciate them. Enough said.



Anonymous said...

This was such a sweet post, so heart-felt.